In case you missed the big news a few weeks ago, Gamer Nation Con 007 is locked and loaded for April 7th through the 10th at their new location in Allen, TX. And the fact that they are wiping the event submissions and opening up new ones has made me consider what I want to bring down with me. And for some reason, I started to think about a little gem that I don’t hear about very often – Kobolds Ate My Baby! from 9th Level Games and illustrated by the legendary John Kovalic (of Dork Tower fame).
Part roleplaying game and part board game, KAMB! was first published in 1999, and it has undergone several iterations with the “Super Deluxx Edition” in 2005 and most recently with the Kobolds Ate My Baby! In Colour!! release in 2014. Billed as “the beer and pretzels roleplaying game” it thrusts the players into the role of kobolds in the service of the great King Torg (All Hail King Torg!). Your kobold uses their Brawn, Ego, Extraneous, and Reason attributes (get it?) to compete for ultimate victory over the other players by scoring the most victory points on their quest to cause the most chaos, including but not limited to killing things, cooking things, and bringing the tastiest of all meals back to King Torg (All Hail King Torg!) – human babies!
Designed to be run in a single session of a couple hours, the game takes a very comical look at the kobold as a cannon fodder minion. Players randomly roll dice for their four abilities as well as any bonuses or flaws they may have. They choose a couple of skills (don’t think too hard about it), and then randomly roll to see what equipment they managed to snag on their way out of the cave before unleashing their particularly peculiar brand of culinary cruelty upon the outside world. Equipment can be anything from cooking utensils that double as weapons and armor, actual weapons and armor, or even spell books that are activated by crumpling up a ball of paper and throwing it at their intended target. (Literally, you have to hit your target with a ball of paper – hope you have good aim.)
The game itself is a simple system designed to keep the fun moving where player rolls a number of dice determined by the difficulty of an action and modified by any beneficial or consequential modifiers (the lip of the pit trap you have to jump over is greased, for example). Good things remove dice from the roll. Bad things add more dice to the roll. Then all of the dice are rolled with the goal of rolling under the difficulty number, which is usually the attribute number connected to what the player is trying to do (such as Brawn for attempting to jump over a pit) or some derivative, such as a opponent’s Reflex when attempting to hit them in combat. Success means they accomplish their action. Failure means they not only don’t get their way, but they also either take damage or have to take a “Kobold Horrible Death Cheque.” When they take a cheque, they roll 2d6 and add the total number of cheques they’ve received so far in the game. If the result is 13 or higher, they die (as you can see – it’s possible to die immediately if the player rolls high enough on their first cheque).
If a kobold dies, that can roll up a fresh new character and get back in on the fun (technically the rest of the players have to vote after the dead kobold’s player gives a proper “in memorium” speech speaking of the now deceased kobold’s accomplishments, but it’s more fun just to let them get back in the action, especially for something like a convention game). Considering how quick it is to roll up a new kobold, don’t get too attached to the little furballs, get silly with it, and as poet laureate Al Yankovich told us years ago – “Dare to be stupid.”
There’s a few other rules in the book, but not many. The most fun rule is that any time King Torg (All Hail King Torg!) is mentioned, all of the players must yell “All Hail King Torg!” Failure to do so earns the offending kobold a death cheque. At 50 pages, it’s hardly a hefty tome and a lot of that is taken up by random charts such as equipment and horrible ways for kobolds to die. It’s very quick to read, and also very fun to read, with little jokes peppered throughout. It’s also relatively inexpensive, with the PDF for the Super Deluxx Edition on sale for $10 at Drive-Thru RPG and the In Colour!! version for $23 from 9th Level’s website. If you’re looking for a quick game to learn to waste a night having some stupid fun with your friends, you could definitely do worse than KAMB!
Ben Erickson
