Is there anything sillier, zanier, and just plain more fun than cartoons? Nope! So to start off this Humor Week, I team up with my son–and Animator* Extraordinaire–Brennen Whitson to bring you these freelance Toons for your beer & pretzels (or soda & cookies) game night, using the classic Steve Jackson Toon Game, still available in PDF. (See my Toon play experience published last fall.)
Brennen and I designed these by brainstorming-we just tossed concepts, possessions, shticks, and names back and forth, and kept what we found coolest and weirdest. Then Brennen did the Attributes. See the Toon PDF for Plot Points, Gizmo, and Shtick descriptions and mechanics.
AND–Bonus gratuitous seriousness! Four linked zoology articles!
*Animator = Gamemaster
Without further ado, I present our 4 zany new friends!
NAME: Una Wallace
SPECIES: Narwhal
NATURAL ENEMIES: Crème brûlée, Harpoon Guns, Unicorns
BELIEF: “Seaweed is made out of green cheese”
GOALS: “I am always looking for a good poker game”
“I want to eat all the seaweed!”
HIT POINTS: 6
PLOT POINTS: 0
POSSESSIONS: Color Sharpie Set, Gum, Latest Issue of Skateboarders Monthly (unusual), Makeup Kit, Paddleboard (unusual), Perfume, SCOBA (Self-Contained Overland Breathing Apparatus. Unusual)**, Skateboard (unusual)
**Yes, Brennen and I know narwhals are mammals and breathe air (I’ve got a BS in Zoology, dang it!) . Bu this isn’t about science, it’s about Cartoon Logic!
DESCRIPTION: Typical female Monodon monoceros, height/length 7′ (8′ if you count her shiny horn). Una wears SCOBA gear to breathe air & skates around on land.
MUSCLE [2]
Break Down Door [6]
Climb [2]
Fight [5]
Pick Up Heavy Thing [6]
Throw [2]
ZIP [4]
Dodge [6]
Drive Vehicle [6]
Fire Gun [4]
Jump [4]
Ride [5]
Run [4]
Swim [9]
SMARTS [5]
Hide/Spot Hidden [5]
Identify Dangerous Thing [6]
Read [7]
Resist Fast-Talk [6]
See/Hear/Smell [5]
Set/Disarm Trap [5]
Track/Cover Tracks [5]
CHUTZPAH [3]
Fast-Talk [3]
Pass/Detect Shoddy Goods [3]
Sleight of Hand [3]
Sneak [3]
SHTICK: Incredible Luck [5]
NAME: Terry Shellan, the Fastest Turtle Alive
SPECIES: Common Snapping Turtle
NATURAL ENEMIES: Gastropods, Yo-yos
BELIEFS: “You snooze, you lose!”
GOALS: “To be the fastest turtle alive!”
HIT POINTS: 4
PLOT POINTS: 0
POSSESSIONS: Autographed Terry Shellan Comic Book (unusual), Gizmo (unusual), Neon Headband & Legwarmers, Sports Bottle, Strawberries, VHS of Richard Simmons’ Groovin’ To the Oldies (unusual), Whistle, Winged Shoes (unusual)
DESCRIPTION: A Chelydra serpentina of super-reptilian speed–Terry moves at normal human speeds. Terry is a 4′ tall bipedal turtle. He has sneakers with attached angel wings.
MUSCLE [4]
Break Down Door [4]
Climb [4]
Fight [7]
Pick Up Heavy Thing [4]
Throw [4]
ZIP [5]
Dodge [7]
Drive Vehicle [5]
Fire Gun [5]
Jump [6]
Ride [5]
Run [9]
Swim [5]
SMARTS [3]
Hide/Spot Hidden [3]
Identify Dangerous Thing [3]
Read [3]
Resist Fast-Talk [5]
See/Hear/Smell [3]
Set/Disarm Trap [3]
Track/Cover Tracks [4]
CHUTZPAH [2]
Fast-Talk [4]
Pass/Detect Shoddy Goods [2]
Sleight of Hand [2]
Sneak [2]
SHTICKS: Flying [5] Incredible Speed [5]
NAME: Summer Claus
SPECIES: Jolly Old Elf
NATURAL ENEMIES: Naughtiness, Polar Bears
BELIEFS: “All good deeds should be rewarded”
“My vacation should be peaceful & quiet”
GOALS: “Deliver cheer”
“Enjoy my vacation”
HIT POINTS: 5
PLOT POINTS: 0
POSSESSIONS: Disposable Camera, Emergency Cookie Jar (unusual), Gizmo (unusual), Glockenspiel (unusual), Naughty or Nice Detector 3000 (Looks like an odd GPS that beeps. Unusual), Santa Hat, Tacky Hawaiian Shirt, Yo-yo
DESCRIPTION: He’s Santa Claus! But he’s on summer vacation, so he often wears cargo shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. He’s still got the hat and beard though!
MUSCLE [5]
Break Down Door [5]
Climb [7]
Fight [7]
Pick Up Heavy Thing [5]
Throw [5]
ZIP [3]
Dodge [3]
Drive Vehicle [7]
Fire Gun [3]
Jump [3]
Ride [6]
Run [3]
Swim [3]
SMARTS [2]
Hide/Spot Hidden [2]
Identify Dangerous Thing [2]
Read [2]
Resist Fast-Talk [8]
See/Hear/Smell [2]
Set/Disarm Trap [2]
Track/Cover Tracks [2]
CHUTZPAH [4]
Fast-Talk [4]
Pass/Detect Shoddy Goods [4]
Sleight of Hand [4]
Sneak [7]
SHTICKS: Bag of Many Things [5], Sidekick (Elfword, his Elf Butler) [5]
NAME: Craig Kenn
SPECIES: Small Giant Squid
NATURAL ENEMIES: Seafood & Sushi Chefs, & Space Aliens
BELIEFS: “The surface world is outer space”
“I have never been in the sea”
GOAL: “I shall lay waste to the surface world & all who live there!”
HIT POINTS: 3
PLOT POINTS: 0
POSSESSIONS: Anvil (unusual), Fly Swatter, Giant Rainbow Lollipop, Harpoon Gun (unusual), Marvin the Martian plush (To remind him who the enemy is. Unusual), Pocket Watch, Splatoon Video Game (unusual),Yo-yo
DESCRIPTION: An air-breathing, very runty (that is, human-sized) specimen of the genus Architeuthis. He walks on 6 tentacles and uses 4 as “hands.”
MUSCLE [3]
Break Down Door [3]
Climb [5]
Fight [4]
Pick Up Heavy Thing [3]
Throw [4]
ZIP [2]
Dodge [8]
Drive Vehicle [2]
Fire Gun [5]
Jump [4]
Ride [2]
Run [2]
Swim [2]
SMARTS [4]
Hide/Spot Hidden [6]
Identify Dangerous Thing [4]
Read [4]
Resist Fast-Talk [4]
See/Hear/Smell [4]
Set/Disarm Trap [5]
Track/Cover Tracks [4]
CHUTZPAH [5]
Fast-Talk [7]
Pass/Detect Shoddy Goods [6]
Sleight of Hand [8]
Sneak [5]
SHTICK: Stretching [5]
Linda Whitson
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